Week 11 Vibe Rankings

Here now, the news

I still think Pride is important, especially if you don’t feel seen. I see you and love you, even if I don’t know you. I’m not even sponsored by Booz Allen or ICE.

1. Kansas City (last week: 1)

   As I said a few days ago, my wife and I were going to the Gotham/Kansas City match in Harrison. I did have a couple of thoughts:

   • As good as you think Kansas City is watching on TV, they are better live. Absolutely terrifying team.

   • Beatriz is an extremely tenacious presser, which I didn’t expect. She was the most active of the Kansas City forwards, and looked like a real pain in the ass to play against.

   • Lily Reale looked completely lost until about 15 minutes into the game. This was because she was left on an island with Michelle Cooper, and Coop burned her.

   • I mean this as an absolute compliment, but Claire Hutton was invisible to me from the stands. I mean she created like some sort of soccer Charybdis where everything died.

   • Temwa is probably the most direct player I’ve seen live. She showed no wrinkle or variance in how she played all game, and it was a major reason KC was up 2-0 within the first 12 minutes.

   • They did this without Lo Labonta or Debinha healthy.

2. Orlando Pride (last week: 3)

   I had to explain the joke that Dyke scoring the game winner at the end to crush my favorite team on Pride was homophobic.

3. Washington Spirit (last week: 4)

   Finally through the worst of their injury woes, it seemed an appropriate time to throw a coaching crisis at the team. No matter, Spirit played better under Gonzalez last year than under Giraldez anyway, and there have been a lot of pixels spent on how shady it is that he moved his young family over here for 12 months until his boss transferred him to a cushier gig. Kind of a workman like game with Spirit, where they mixed and matched their team out of the players coming back from injury and the healthy ones needing a break, and they were good enough to withstand an onslaught from North Carolina in the dying minutes.

4. San Diego Wave (last week: 2)

   A bunch of soccer writers are quickly looking up what regression to the mean is. San Diego haven’t looked as good as their point total, but it’s not to assume that “they are +10 goals over their xG!!!!” means they are falling to the bottom of the table, just that they are likely to have some rough goes before the end of the year. That’s football.

5. Seattle Reign (last week: 6)

   There are teams that use high pressure transition work and physicality to try and get their opponents to turn the ball over in the middle of the field (Gotham), some that give you possession just to quickly counter (Kansas City), and some that swam the ball handler as tightly as possible to make them uncomfortable on the ball (Orlando). Then there are the Reign, who give their opponents comfort over 70% of the field, and absolute horror over the last third. You can do anything you want until you hit that marker, then all of a sudden you have players diving into passing lanes, tackling just below your ankle to win the ball, and throwing themselves in front of shots. It’s just a wave of anti-football coming at you, and San Diego had no answer. Play Adames. Good things happen.

6. Portland Thorns (last week: 5)

   Also, play Todrin. It’s a good plan B to “hope we get a couple penalties”.

7. Angel City (last week: 8)

   Yes they drew against the weakest lineup of NWSL players I’ve seen in years at home, but I think ever single Angel City fan I’ve seen in the last few days has said they lose that game 100% of the time the last couple years. The only adjective I can think of that captures my feeling on MA’s game was “silly”. She was silly during this game. Just a silly soccer player doing silly things.

8. Bay FC (last week: 10)

   I don’t know what this team is or is about, but Penelope Hocking has turned into a monster the last few weeks. It reminds me of Chicago’s dipshit Richard Feuz saying how Hocking was a league record fee, and it’s not like she starts anyway. His team played 6 forwards that completed a total 43 passes in a professional soccer game.

9. Racing Louisville (last week: 12)

   Yes they are in 6th place but should probably be in 10th or lower. Vibes are bad, and it’s going to take navigating this KC, Orlando, Orlando, KC gauntlet they have coming up over the next 4 games over 3 months.

10. Gotham (last week: 6)

    It happened about 30 yards in front of me. I watched it on replay in the stadium. I watched it on replay when I got home. I read the explanations from the pool report and other people who seem dedicated to explaining offsides. I think Esther’s goal should have stood because it was a fun goal, and I don’t care about your dorky “offsides” rules.

11. North Carolina Courage (last week: 9)

    

12. Houston Dash (last week: 11)

    When you lose this long, sometimes you can’t even buy a draw if you deserve it.

13. Utah Royals (last week: 13)

    We all have personal biases, and reasons we do or do not like players. Unfortunately for yours truly, I don’t like the two players who scored for Utah in this game. Why are they potting shots while Ally Sentnor is content bombing shots from 40 yards away unable to play competently for club when she doesn’t do that for country?

14. Chicago Stars (last week: 14)

    They were missing two of their three best players, and was still two inches of a Shea Groom curler away from becoming an official California Nightmare. That being said, the arc of football karma might bend towards justice, but Schlegal and Gomes goals really had no business being scored in the first place.

15. Boston Legacy (last week: 15)

    

    It’s good, and cool. If you don’t like it, I bet you’re ISIS.

16. Denver NWSL (last week: 16)

    I’m sitting in their waiting room, thumbing through a magazine while Girl from Ipanema plays softly over the speakers.